The Break In- Brayden

One night my friends and I were going to break into a facility. It had lots of money inside, however it had lots of security. We gingerly got on the roof. We discovered a vent. We opened it and crawled in. We got to a room that was cover in yellow. When we saw the room it was remarkable. There was money everywhere. We packed it in bags and crawled back into the vent. We got back on the roof and we saw helicopters. “They caught us,” I said. My friends and I jumped off the roof and got away.

3 thoughts on “The Break In- Brayden”

  1. Wow, Brayden.

    There was a lot of action in this story! I liked how you described the events in a very good order. I bet you imagined each of these things happening while you were writing.

    Always reread your work slowly for punctuation and small errors (“coverED” in yellow).

    Why did you and your friends need all of that money? What kind of facility was it?

    Keep creating,
    Hemingway

  2. I like the action, Brayden! Watch out for punctuation and grammar (cover in yellow!). For some next steps I would recommend rechecking your work before submitting, it can really save you from those mistakes!

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